| ...It's Just Another day, Hiding in the Shadows Waiting for the sun... |
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[30 Jan 2007|10:03pm] |
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vague, smoke trailing from a hand, a hand my own, grey, if it was up to me, dying alone like i always knew, suffering, plan, who ive been, two paths split, who i want to be, more then 2 paths, a fork maybe, no, stop right there, that line ive never should have crossed, the person i became, and the person who i want to be, where you are, what you are doing at the same time i am, miles away yet we are in the same world, odd, possibility, dreams, a hand held with one not my own, deceit, jealousy, envy, only in dreams, want, second chances don't exist, responsibility, roots, tied too tight, family, a wife, children, ambitions, goals, drive, motivation, waking up, chest pain, never wanting to wake up, why do i care, what happened, assumptions, jumping to conclusions, is it true or is it just what i dont want to believe, i am i, no that isnt what it is, i am i, yet i exist in others, is the i that i perceive the i that i believe you see, who am i, another living being, someone special, a stepping stone, a friend, a significant other, dreams, leading back agian, dreams is it what i want, or is it what i fooled myself into wanting, dreams//jealously, commitment, fear of being tied, confinement, the one, is there such a thing, love, love an emotion, feelings, nervousness, acting not on my own, infatuation, obsession, who am i, i am myself, yet i am just another, another, endlessly searching, life, life = love, to live for love is that a life, love for myself, love for others, which is more important, no love for myself, does that mean no love for others, light, sun, waste of energy, work, money, to work, is it to love, to support those you love, deceit, was i always this way, working behind, secrets, knowing them would destroy the bonds, bonds, friendship, friend, an image exists in them, as a image of them exist in me, are they who they are in my mind as they are in their mind, i am i, they are they, more paths, right, wrong, the wrong choice is sometimes the right, two wrongs, black, white, is there a grey, indecision, hesitation, the i that i am around them, is that the i that i want to be, no, it leads back to green, why, childish thoughts, why act that way, them, a facade, a mask, love, how would i know, if the i that i am, is the true i, love, will the i in her mind know myself better than i, love, a life without it, a life never knowing it, is it, love is real, or is it not, what i want, what i would be willing to do, a wall, not tangible, bubble, invisable yet it is enforced, personal space, once that line is crossed, uncomfort settles in, yet, the bubble is different, strangers, those i am not familiar with, familiarity, the bubble will be smaller, do i possess, a wall, around my feelings, words i cant speak, nervousness, why, like//love, one is just a smaller commitment, like, room, chance for rejection, not strong yet enough for a point to cross, love, a fear, fear of rejection, or fear of an emotion never felt, like//love, the line between it and infatuation, i am incomplete and as confused as i am i....
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[27 Nov 2006|07:18am] |
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Kins and Carrol
I sit around and think about,
all the times we shared
all the time.
I wonder what you dream about
Where you go and have been
all the time.
You broke my heart.
You broke my heart again
and now i know…..
If this is a test i'm gonna fail it my best
the only way to stay true.
And this is my destiny and there is no helping me,
life is bitter sweet.
Things change although they seem the same
and there'll be no more waiting for your lies.
I found someone else just like you
and now it's starting to unwind
all the time.
We fell apart,
you broke my heart again
and now I know…
If this a test i'm gonna fail it my best
the only way to stay true.
And this is my destiny and there is no helping me life is better sweet.
You say it's time to get over the pain
I still I still love her.
You say it's time to get over the pain,
I still I still love her
Yeah…. yeah
I still love her.
If this is a test
I'm gonna fail it my best
the only way to stay true.
And this is my destiny and there is no helping me
life is bitter sweet.
You say it's time to get over the pain
I still I still love her
You say it's time to get over the pain
I still I still love her…….
I still love her..
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[12 Oct 2006|12:37am] |
whew...So today was the first day of my new job
I work at NSI in fremont. Basically i stand from 8:30-5 minus like 15 min breaks and lunch and test/maintain/update computers.
fun? tomorrow it will be, gunna charge up my dusty ipod and bust out emo music -_-. . .
my feet hurt. . .
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[30 Apr 2006|09:47am] |
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music |
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Hawthorne Heights - Niki FM |
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[x] You know someone that cares about you.
[ ] You have a boyfriend/ girlfriend/ fiancee/ husband/ wife.
[x] You have your own room.
[x] You own a cell phone.
[ ] You get good grades.
[x] You have an ipod/ mp3 player.
[ ] Your parents are still married.
[ ] You have more than 2 best friends.
[ ] There is a swimming pool in your backyard.
[x] You live somewhere other than a box.
T O T A L: 5
[x] You dress how you want to.
[ ] You hang out with friends more than once a week.
[x] There is a computer/ laptop in your room.
[x] You have never been beaten up.
[x] You never cry more than twice a month.
[x] You are allowed to listen to the music you want to.
[x] Your room is big enough for you.
[x] People don't use you for something you have
[x] You have been to a concert.
[x] You laugh more than twice a day.
T O T A L: 9
[ ] You have over 100 friends on myspace.
[x] You have pictures on myspace.
[ ] You get allowance.
[ ] You collect something normal.
[x] People don't make fun of you to be mean.
[ ] You look foward to go to school.
[ ] You don't wish you were someone else.
[ ] You play a sport.
[ ] You do something after school.
[x] You shower more than once in a week.
T O T A L: 3
[x] You own a car.
[x] You usually don't fight with your parents.
[ ] You're healthy.
[ ] You've never had a cavity.
[ ] You are happy with your appearance.
[ ] You aren't self-conscious at all.
[ ] You have never gotten a failing grade in your life.
[x] You have friends.
[x] You have so many inside jokes with friends.
[x] You know your parents care and love you.
T O T A L: 5
[ ] You know what is going on in the world.
[x] You care about many people.
[x] You are happy with your life.
[ ] You usually aren't sick.
[x] You know more than one language.
[x] You have a screen name.
[x] You own a pet.
[x] you aren't usually tardy to school
[x] You know the words to more than 5 songs.
[x] You don't have any enemies.
[/] You are happy you're living.
T O T A L: 8.5
Now count up the numbers and multiply by 2. Then repost saying 'My life is _% perfect.'
My life is 61% perfect.
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| do it? |
[27 Mar 2006|10:26pm] |
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music |
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my chemical romance - im not okay |
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:: IF ::
1. I died:
2. I kissed you:
3. I lived next door to you:
4. You found out I was married:
5. I stole something:
6. I was hospitalized:
7. I refused to leave my home:
8. I got into a fight while you were there:
::WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY::
9. Personality:
10. Eyes:
11. Hair:
12. Family:
::WOULD YOU::
13. Help me hide a body?
14. Keep a secret if I told you one?
15. Hold my hand?
16. Take a bullet for me?
18. Try to solve my problems?
19. Love me?
20. Date me?
::HAVE YOU EVER::
21. Lied to make me feel better?
22. Wanted to kiss me?
23. Wanted to kill me?
24. Broke my heart?
25. Kept something important from me?
26. Thought I was unbearably annoying?
::AND MORE::
27. Who are you?
28. Are we friends?
29. When and how did we meet?
30. Describe me in three words:
31. What was your first impression?
32. Do you still think that way about me now?
33. What reminds you of me?
34. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
35. How well do you know me?
36. When's the last time you saw me?
37. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
38. Are you gonna repost this to see what I say about you?
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| new piece by yours truly |
[20 Mar 2006|11:10pm] |
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music |
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silverstein - discovering the waterfront |
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i breathe the same air
you dont care
even though i know
it wasnt supposed to hurt this much
ive been here one hundred times before
circling around with you always in my mind
the lights are red yet i cant seem to care
every sign is telling me to stop
killing myself over and over agian
here i am on your doorstep
turn your back and let me in
welcome me with open arms
where my dream ends
its taking every part of me not to notice
where you are or how you feel
i keep telling myself i wont care
curiousity takes the best of me
fallen into another pit of despair
*
leave me alone, take my hand,
lead me away from here to where it all began,
promise me one thing but do another
i cant think of anything but her,
i never wanted it to end
but theres no such thing as forever
she keeps repeating
things will get better
even when theres nothing but rain and thunderstorms
im still alive...
kindaa....
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[21 Jan 2006|11:49am] |
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music |
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bloc party - blue light (engineers anti gravity mix) |
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i want to go on an o.c marathon.
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| comment u emo kids! no really...do it |
[10 Jan 2006|08:50pm] |
Hey, I'm coming out of exile and finally writing agian. So if you decide to spare some time to read this please comment and tell me how it is.
Thanks...
It isn't long but here we go...
This goes out to those drunk at 3pm,
to those who take meds just to feel normal everyday,
those who got left behind,
those who are ignored and treated like shit,
to those who feel like they can't hold on,
to those who want to quit but are too scared,
to those who are so lost in life they live day by day just to "exist",
to those who sometime in their life wanted to end it all,
to everyone who felt like they had to change,
This is to everybody whos felt pain in their life...
"Universal Pain"
Hey world, hows life been treating you?
Was it like this before all alone,
Changes waiting by the phone,
The outside world is passing us by,
All we can do is listen to our own hushed cries,
and this is our lullaby,
To make it through this life,
So lets sing this song and forget our pain,
Follow the lyrics and swallow the sorrow,
Scream til our lungs are broken and maybe tomorrow,
Dry the tears and be able to feel normal,
Maybe,
Maybe today those we wish to hear what we have to say,
Will hear this song and sing along,
and this is our lullaby,
Our excuses to live this life feeling useless,
One reason not to change,
But to feel as if it is okay to be the same,
So lets sing this song and forget our pain,
Follow the lyrics and swallow the sorrow,
Scream til our lungs are broken and maybe tomorrow,
Dry the tears and be able to feel normal,
Through the thick and the thin,
All these scars left on our skin,
Wounds unseen but inside it hurts so deep,
The strangle of the heart,
The pain as it tears us apart,
So please hold on and maybe someday,
We will finally feel as if we belong,
It is alright to not change,
It is fine just to stay the same,
and this is our lullaby,
That this world lives by...
copyrighted!
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| tattoo idea |
[02 Jan 2006|07:42pm] |
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music |
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thrice - stare at the sun |
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yeah so heres the final choices: which of the two tribal ones should i use?
as for the barbed wire its a secret where its gunna go hehe
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| end of year survey |
[31 Dec 2005|11:21pm] |
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We Are Scientists - Nobody Move, Nobody Gets Hurt |
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1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
A lot of things really, but nothing comes to mind right now.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Get a 3.8 G.P.A (nope never made it)
Only be absent once a month compared to like 5 times a month last yr (got a lot worse, more like 2-3 times a week now)
Get another job (got a job at baskin robins)
Get license to drive legally (yep got that)
Drink more (oh yeahhh did that)
Eat more (problaby did)
Have blonder hair (sadly no, i had my whole head brownish reddish though)
Work out more (oh yeah did tons of working out)
Get a better tan (fullbody tan baby)
Get bigger fuel injectors and AFM for my car (intake, exhaust, suspension, paint, but no injectors =[)
Get a new paint job for my car (YES DONE, and i crashed it)
Get another eyebrow piercing (nope got a tragus however)
Maintain better health (eh...)
and finally control my emotions... (YEAHHHHHH)
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not that i know of
5. What countries did you visit?
None
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
Confidence, happiness, fun, family, friends, money
7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
A lot of dates even today
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
This year was a big BLURRR hollly shit even if i think right now i cant remember much.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Crashing my car, failiing classes, not being able to change, well much
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
tons
11. What was the best thing you bought?
my cool emo jacket, my emo belt, and other stuff
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
dont know
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Peoplleeee
14. Where did most of your money go?
clothes, gas, car parts, food
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
having a turbo back in my beater car, driving my baby
16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2005?
FALL OUT BOY - DANCE DANCE / SUGAR WE'RE GOIN DOWN
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? Happier
Older or wiser? wiser
Thinner or fatter? MORE MUSCULAR babyyy
Richer or poorer? Poorer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Go out more, let it all go ya kno
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Waiting, I've done too much of that gotta just go for it now
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
At home with a cozy fire and visiting people
21. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?
Hung out with luisa, frances, and then at home chillaxing and stuff
22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
maybe
23. How many one-night stands?
o_O
24. What was your favorite TV program?
O.C
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
i dont really hate anyone, cuz its a vicious cycle
26. What was the best book you read?
didnt really read much
whewww yeahp yeahp 22 MORE MINUTES TIL THE NEW YR BIZNATCHES MAKE EM SAY UUUUUUUHH!
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[31 Dec 2005|03:09am] |
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music |
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Hard Fi - Cash Machine |
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If no one moves
Then nobody's gonna get hurt
Don't move,
'Cause nobody wants to get hurt
time to sleep finally
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[19 Nov 2005|08:47pm] |
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music |
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fall out boy - get busy living or get busy dying |
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yeah so im borrowing a cell phone for awhile....call me agian! hahaha the phone is so cool too cuz it has frog faces :D ne hoooo........
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| cell phone dead |
[18 Nov 2005|01:45pm] |
dont bother calling/txting my cell phone for awhile as for it is in many pieces. I guess it cant survive two drops at 3-4 stories high.
yeah...sigh on better news.... im gettin new tires on the supra, pics when it returns! i will try to spend turkey-break on painting the rest of my car....better focus on other things to keep my mind off somethin else......
have a great break people i will leave you with my cool halloween costume (equipped with eyeliner o_o)
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| new piercing kids.... |
[12 Nov 2005|03:59pm] |
i got a tragus piercing today!
soo that makes a total of 6 piercings on my left ear ya hoooooo..... anyway.... i was gunna take a pic but then my bro jacked my camera....
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| so...reckless driving? i think so |
[10 Nov 2005|04:32pm] |
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music |
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Blink 182 - All of This |
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So yesterday after work I'm tired as hell (my usually sleeping time these days is around 7-9pm, work ended at 10pm), I drove straight through a curb. Me thinking nothing of it continued driving and noticed a strange scraping sound. Turns out my exhaust fell off and was scraping along the road. I see sparks shooting out the back of the car, and yet do i stop? NO!!! -_- even drove on the freeway back to my house hahahhaahha.....
k here are some pics....
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| THUGGIN |
[15 Oct 2005|07:28pm] |
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music |
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Camp Lo - Black Connection |
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okay so im really bored so i took a pic of my awesome playlist dubbed "THUGGIN"
...i also have another play list i named "ALTEMOPUNK"
yeah im 1337
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| none atttt alllllll |
[11 Sep 2005|06:14pm] |
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music |
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All American Rejects - The Last Song |
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Can i whisper in your ear
the secrets only you were meant to hear
only time can mend these wounds...
remember kids...
trust in the thrust....
kthxbye
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[31 Aug 2005|07:51pm] |
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music |
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simple plan - addicted |
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The Keys to Your Heart
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You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. |
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. |
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. |
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. |
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. |
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. |
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. |
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. |
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[20 Aug 2005|10:20am] |
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music |
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dredg - bug eyes |
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POST ANONYMOUSLY.
1. One secret.
2. One compliment.
3. One non-compliment.
4. One love note, to anyone.
5. Lyrics to a song.
6. What you like on your pizza.
7. How long we've been friends.
8. And a hint to who you are.
do it...
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